Weak...

Really bad day, don’t really want to talk about it....
Followed my food plan until I got home from school after a depressing test, which by the way went straight to hell. When I walked in the door, I could feel the smell of muffins hit me straight in the face, and when I entered the kitchen my mum literarily put them in my face…and I lost it. Eat two before I gained controlled….feel so weak and guilty, hate myself right now! I have no control, I’m so weak...my life sucks. And I don’t managed to throw up ether, have to get some laxatives, do you guys know where to by it? The drug store? And do they ask questions why you’re buying it or something?

Sorry for a depressing post today, hope to be bright and strong tomorrow!

Wish me luck, and stay strong, don’t fail like me..

Kisses <3>

Meal plan for tomorrow

Figured I’m more likely to eat little and healthy if I set up a plan first. So her it comes! If you’re thinking that I’m eating a lot of bread, it’s because I trying the bread and butter diet kind of. And its working great, except from the fact that I have to eat dinner with my family everyday, and they get upset when I don’t eat…-.-
And also I’ve heard that your metabolism will benefit from you eating less than an hour after you get out of bed, and then every third hour until 7. Then you should not eat before the next day. So that’s what I’m trying. I also drink a lot of coffee, water and green tea, both to feel full and to boost my metabolism. So here you go:

07.00 – Glass of water, cup of coffee, vitamin pill and a slice of buttered bread. Perhaps some cottage cheese
Cals: around 150
10.00- More water, a slice of buttered bread perhaps some coffee or green tea.
Cals: around 100
13.00 – Slice of buttered bread, perhaps a non-fat vanilla yogurt
Cals: around 200
16.00- Non fat vanilla yogurt, perhaps a carrot and some cottage cheese.
Cals: around 150
19.00 – Dinner :S
Cals: Wil try to keep it under 300, hard to control :S

It will make a total of around 900 :S

A little more food today, mostly due to the fact that I have to be sharp and ready for my test, and because I’m going to train tomorrow. (You’re my witnesses!)

When it comes to training, I’m going to try taking at least 50 sit-ups in the morning, and 20 push-ups to boost my metabolism. Then I’ll walk home from school, around three-four km. Then I’m going for a long run for sure, at least two hours in the evening, and try to do some more sit-ups, push-ups etc.

Any comment on my diet, what do you guys think, should I eat less? Any tips?
I would be really grateful for help!

Wish me luck!
Hope you all reach you goals, stay strong!
Kisses

Thouth I would post some random thinspo thats really keep me motivated.

They are gorgeous..

11.11.09

So, today was a pretty good day I think!


Breakfast: One slice of bread with butter and a coffee

Lunch: One slice of bread with butter

Lunch 2: One slice of bread with butter

Snack: A carrot and a coffee

Dinner: A little pork meat with potatoes and vegetables

Snack: Green tea

So I’m not so good with calories, but I try to stay under 1000 a day.

I’m thinking 100 cals for bread with butter, the carrot around 50 and dinner around 300 -500 cals. What do you guys think, is that right amount?


It ends up with a total of 650-850 cals, which I think is pretty good, would you agree?

I need all the tips and guidance I can get, so I would really appreciate it!

I wish I could go for a run, but I have this test I must practise to....it sucks. I’ll have to run twice as long tomorrow then!


New moon premier tomorrow, but couldn’t get tickets at my local cinema, so will go se it Friday. Can’t wait! Thought I would post a little "Twilight thinspo" to celebrate! Kristen Stewart is just so damn beautiful!




Stay strong everyone, kisses <3

My life....

My life is just not working out.
I`m so uninspired, I`m emty, I have no motivation, no meaning.
I`m cougth in the same vicious circle. The same failures the same oppressed feel, the same lack of spark. I get no new impulses, I`m stuck, like I cant breathe! I cant think clearly
I`m not living!
I have all this shit dragging me down, constricting me, controlling me, traping me!

I need something new, a meanig, I need to get loos, to be free...
So I turned to Ana, or rather she came to me. It was only natural realy.
I`m planning my exchange year, and I`m so exited! A fresh start, new impulses and sparks, new motivation and inspiration! It`s whats holding me up these days. But I cant, I wont take the failures with me, all the things dragging me down. I want to me pure and cleane, and redy for a new start.

Whish me luck!
Stay strong, let Ana leade your way...<3

Tumble away with the weeds

I want to be as light as a feather & tumble away with the weeds. I want to be so thin, light & airy that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind. When I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint to mar its virgin purity. I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.

My first reflection

Reflection

"Sometimes I wonder why I am here
Wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared
Just one second that’s all you need
Your once perfect world can feel so weird
I have nothing you want, but everything I need
I look in the mirror and see my biggest fear
I a standing alone screaming and telling
But know one can hear
There is no pain, I am always numb
Everyone I love has been pushed out
One by one
There’s no place to hide, feeling empty inside
Standing there watching as my life flies by
Just one second that’s all you need
Your once perfect world can feel so weird."


By MARIA GORSKI

This poem is just so damn beautiful, it says it all